The Fussy Baby

So Jaxon is almost 6 months old now. Crazy I know. I am sure this is the first of many posts to update you on my little man.

I know I am not very good at serious, but I wanted to share about my first few months being a mom.  I was so excited to be a mom.  I have always wanted to be one.  I was so thrilled when we found out we were expecting. I would envision sweet sleeping babies cuddles, cooing, smiles, and just being overjoyed.  You expect no sleep, you expect some crying, but we all have visions of sweetness and sure I knew there was a lot more to it than rainbows and butterflies, but really how bad could it be?

Colic.  I'd heard of colic, I didn't really understand it.  Colic is defined as 3 hours of crying 3 days a week for at least 3 weeks. That I could have handled.  That would have been easy. Jaxon was beyond colic. It is basically an excuse for doctors to tell you that your baby is really cranky and they don't have a reason, so they will diagnose him with a phony diagnosis to make you feel better that your child has some type of problem to justify his out of control behavior. People tell you that it goes away after 3 months.  People tell you it is something you ate, or something that you need to eat. People tell you that you need to hold him upright, no you need to hold him on his stomach. People say you need to wrap him like this. Others say that you need to do it like that. People tell you that you need to soothe him like this. People tell you that his behavior is not normal.  People tell you to go see more doctors. People tell you their child was never like that. People-strangers, just trying to be helpful, or meddling or just plain ignorant keep on and on. I just stopped listening to people.
Jaxon was by far the fussiest baby on the block.  Nothing worked.  he could not be calmed. the 5 S's didn't work, and I couldn't even rely on a handy pacifier-something we are still working on. The boob only worked about 50% of the time, and he developed the talent of eating and screaming at the same time. On top of this, he had separation anxiety and a 6th sense to know when he had been put down-even while in a deep sleep.  Jaxon was held nearly 24 hours a day for the first 6 weeks. I did a lot of things I thought I would never do.  I became a co-sleeper, I nursed him to sleep any chance I got, I dreaded leaving the house for any purpose. I stopped caring about what I looked like (oh who am I kidding, I never really cared before), I stopped cleaning. I had one focus. Stop the screaming!!!!

Within about the first week of bringing Jaxon home, I noticed that he was not quite what I remembered most babies to be.  He was dang cute to be sure, maybe a bit skinnier, but a lot crankier. We all know newborns tend to be fussy, but I would watch other babies sit contently with their mothers, fall asleep in strollers, car seats, or with almost no effort on the parent;s part.  When they did cry, they were. cute muffled cries, and not shrieks of terror that could shatter glass. Jax had his own agenda and the lungs of an iron man triathlete.

I remember spending 45min-1hour of INTENSE rocking (almost shaken baby type rocking) just to get him to doze off, and within 20 min he would start to stir.  When he did, a wave of panic would sweep over me, my heart would race, I would tense up, and just pray he would stay asleep.  EVERY time he woke up, the screams were so loud that my ears would be ringing and most of the time, they didn't stop until he went back to sleep. I was too scared to sleep with him, too scared I would move and wake him up.  I just sat there as still as I could be and held him while he slept.

I did everything I could think of. I stopped dairy, wheat, soy, cinnamon, citrus, and basically everything edible.  I swaddled, I swayed, I put him down drowsy,  I demand fed, I schedule fed, I gave gripe water, mylicon drops. I rocked him on his stomach, held him upright.  He hated the swing, he hated his pacifier,  he hated the bath, he hated his car seat and the car. He hated EVERYTHING!. The only thing that worked was the vacuum. The loud white noise the vacuum made, was his match.  There were days when i couldn't stop the screaming that we would go in a small space, turn the vacuum on and I would just hold him.

Contrary to how it sounds, I was not depressed. Sure there were times where I was sad, but not for myself. Just for poor Jax. He had to come to a mom who didn't know how to make him happy.  It's quite humbling. Nobody wants the 'fussy baby' it is an excellent reminder at how ill prepared I was for motherhood, but If I wasn't laid back before, I am now the most laid back person EVER.

That littel rascal has the shortest little fuse, he is a time bomb.  We have successfully made it through church exactly 1 time since he was born. He would go from super sweet and calm, to catastrophic nuclear meltdown.  I used to plan my outings when he was REALLY tired. I could get him to fall asleep in his Bjorn, but I HAD to keep moving and bouncing. If I stopped he would wake up and the screaming tirade would start again. I would plan on an hour and just walk around target or Costco or just go on a walk to get out.  Those were what kept me sane. I never wanted to go anywhere with anyone for fear of when he would flip that switch. It was never a matter of if he had a melt down, it was when. I was too worried about stopping the screaming to have any fun.

I read that 6-8 weeks was the worst, that is where fussiness peaks and then it starts to get better. I thought it couldn't get worse.  I was wrong. I tempted the fates and they rose to meet the challenge. I really didn't think that I would make it through this period.  I remember one particularly difficult day, He literally never stopped screaming the entire day, and would not nap. Kevin came home, I handed him to him and just broke down the one and only time that child brought me to tears. It is just so sad to have such a sweet innocent child so upset, and there is nothing you can do to fix it. You just feel so sorry for him.

Then day 1 of week 9 happened. He got a little better. I had a few smiles that day-a few moments of playing and fun  Most people wouldn't notice a difference. He was still a terror, but that glimmer of hope helped me get through the next couple months, just taking it day by day. It did get better. Its still getting better. Is he a happy baby?...He's happier.  I have had people tell me how sweet he is.  How good he is. I still am surprised every time I hear that. I like to tease Kevin that he gets his grumpiness from his dad, who is remarkably never grumpy any more.

Were those first few months hard? Absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. Would I do it again? A million times over if it meant I could keep the little devils.  Will I ever judge another person with a screaming child again? If I ever did before, NEVER.

I have to say that through this Kevin was amazing.  Maybe it was because he wasn't there all the time, but he helped check me .  He was so patient and loving. He would always just say. He is a baby, of course he is going to be fussy. He never got impatient or upset.  He always just loved him. Even in the middle of the night. Even in the middle of a store during a melt down. Kevin always kept his cool and always just carried on as if it wasn't a big deal. Of course he usually handed him to me to deal with, but if I was really strung out, he would take him and let me have a break.  He would help me to find humor in it.  And we always did. What else can you do. He is as wonderful husband, and if possible an even better father

I hope this didn't sound too negative. It was hard, but we survived and it gets better and easier every day. I am so blessed to have such a perfect wonderful, handsome, healthy baby. I am so blessed that he was a first child. I sure hope that my next one-if I am blessed enough to have one- will be easier, but if it isn't, I will still love that little one to pieces.

The faces of Colic

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November 8th 2012

November 8th started out like any other day.  I had an appointment with my OBGYN and we were going to discuss the day to induce me.  I had been dilated to 3cm for several weeks, and I didn't think the baby was going to come without additional coaxing.  I told my darling husband to have his phone on him because I was going to call him at 10:45 and let him know the details.

My doctor walked into the room and we immediately started discussing dates.  Kevin wanted me to have it on a Friday so he could take the weekend and all of Thanksgiving week off, but that was over a week and a half away. I wanted the baby out sooner.  We then realized that she hadn't done the exam.  As she was feeling around she gave me a funny look. She then informed me I was dilated to 7cm.  I had not had any contractions in the past few days, and was certainly not in active labor.  She then offered me options.  I wanted an epidural .  She stated I could go into labor naturally,but by that time, the window for an epidural may not be open.  She then stated that I could have the baby today!  The hospital was really busy, but I could show up in an hour, they could break my water, and my little boy could be here within a few hours.  I wasn't sure I was ready for that, but I wanted-needed the epidural. I chose to have him that day.  I am a wuss. I am not afraid to admit it, bring on the epidural and pain meds.

As I was leaving the clinic to go home, eat a lunch, and gather my things, I called Kevin. No answer.  I texted him. No response.  So I emailed my sister-in-law, Tina, to tell her I couldn't go to Banana Republic shopping , that I was going to have a baby (if you know me, you must realize I really wanted to have this baby.  Who turns down shopping at Banana Republic?).  I called my mom, Kevin's mom, and then tried my husband again. No answer.  Tina had called me back by then and offered to take me to the hospital.  Since it had already been about a half hour, I thanked her and she came up to get me.  As we were pulling into the hospital, I still had not heard from my bratty husband, so I called his work. The secretary told me he was off campus for lunch. I told her that if she sees him, let him know his wife is at the hospital having his baby. I should have thought of that earlier.   He called me back within a few minutes, asked almost no questions and came down. I think I was in trouble for not being at the pushing stage since he had to leave his salmon lunch.

It was super busy at the hospital and we finally got a room almost 2 hours later.  It took them over an hour to start my IV and another hour to start the Pitocin.  They kept increasing my dose, but I was still not having any contractions.  Finally just before 5pm my doctor showed up and broke my water (nasty stuff).  My little boy pooped in utero, so we had to make sure that the pediatricians were on standby for when my little guy came.  I was very nervous, because I wanted my epidural, but they kept telling me to wait until I felt pain.  If I didn't wait, I wouldn't know if the epidural was working. Within 15 minutes of my water breaking, I felt the contractions.  I wanted my epidural NOW! I am so glad I did. Those suckers hurt. I am glad I never went into labor naturally and had to do that for hous. During the epidural, my body went into shock (I hate pain) and I started to get nauseated.  I vomited during the procedure and got a nice large bolus of zofran to make sure that didn't happen again. Epidural was in, and I was a happy girl.

Kevin and I had discussed his role during delivery. He was not to have a role.  He would either wait outside the room or face me during the labor.  He gets a bit queasy and I didn't really want him seeing all that nastiness  He was in agreement, until the time came.  I am not sure what came over my man, but he decided to take part in the entire process. About 30 min after the epidural, the nurse checked me, and I was ready to go.   She paged the doctor, and we started to push.  The doctor lived about 10 min away and it would take her about 10 min to scrub in.  So, we got started.  After about 3 contractions, the nurse stopped me.  When I asked why, she told me that if I wanted the doctor to deliver the baby, I needed to wait for her because he was there. Finally after about 15 min, the doctor and the pediatricians walked in.  On the 2nd contraction, out he came.

Kevin has always mocked my mini head.  I will never take offense again, and I hope all future children of mine have heads just as small.  He was 7lbs 8oz and 21inches of perfection. He didn't inhale any of his fecal matter, and his apgar score was 10!

Kevin may have held my leg an watched the birth, but he was not about to cut the cord.  Once they had him cleaned off, Kevin went to go check him out, but had to sit down. Another good thing about a fast delivery, the baby and I were the only patients. If it had gone any longer, Kevin may have needed some medical attention.

God must have wanted me to have more children because he answered all my prayers.  I wanted a fast delivery- for selfish purposes-I wanted a cute baby. I did get a very handsome baby.  I think most babies look like aliens, but my baby was stinking adorable.  He was healthy and perfect. Bonuses for me: I did not poop on the table, I did not tear, or get cut (no stitches) and no hemorrhoids!. Recovery was a breeze.  Other than the ibuprofen they gave me while i was leaving the delivery room, I needed no other pain meds. Remember, I already said I know this isn't normal. The nurse said that this was the easiest delivery she had ever been a part of.  Thank Goodness.

 Our first family picture

 Me and my new little man

 After his first bath

no cone-head or stork bites.  He's cuter than a c-section baby!

 Going home. These are tight on his little body now.

 Big hands, so he can palm a basketball. 

 /love those big eyes

I think funny faces are the cutest

He was baby Hill until a couple hours before discharge.  When I put my foot down about Klaus, Jaxon was one of the few names we agreed on.  Kevin was back peddling saying he didn't want a "Jack", that is why there is an "x".We love this little man and it still seems surreal that I get to keep him.

I will do a separate post later on his first month.

Across America- Day 7- Grand Tetons

So we had finally reached our last National Park, the Grand Tetons.  They were gorgeous, unfortunately for Kevin, weather was not so cooperative for his pictures.  I guess that means we will have to go back some day.  When we arrived, smoke from all the nearby forest fires made it difficult to see anything, then a big storm came in and got rid of the smoke, but covered up the mountains with clouds.  I had to sit in a pull out for over an hour because Kevin was convinced the clouds would move.  And do you know what?  They didn't.  All was not lost.  We did manage to get some pictures in before giving up and taking off. 

After the Tetons, we went down to see grandma in Utah, and then off to Reno for a couple weeks to see Kevin's family, thank you again for letting us crash there and be squatters.  Finally after too much stress, we finally made it to our destination after being homeless for nearly a month.

Across America Day 6- Yellowstone

Our next stop on our trip across America was Yellowstone.  Neither Kevin or I had really been and seen all the things that tourists go see.  I find geothermal activity quite fascinating, and Kevin had been DYING to see buffalo roaming through the bread basket of America, so this was to be a wonderful day. We were well rested from our stay in a seedy motel in Cody Wyoming, but it had a bed and a shower and made this pregnant lady so much happier.  

 On our way into town, the Eagle scout spotted a giant moose just chilling in a field. 

 Our first geyser, the Dragon's cave.  It smelled like dragon breath too, but it made loud noises and made a ton of  steam.  I think any time I saw the ground steaming for the first like 2 hours, I got super giddy, until all the sulphur started  giving me a headache. 

 One of the Gem's of Yellowstone is their Grand Canyon.  It was pretty impressive.  We stopped for a family photo. 

 A nice little shot of Lower Falls in the Grand Canyon

 I felt better so I was willing to hike.  Kevin told me we were going to go to the bottom of the falls seen in the above pictures.  I wasn't so sure, but we hike the 320 odd steps down to the bottom and Voila! There is the view.  Was it worth it? It wasn't as bad as I thought it;d be. On our way down, people were parked along the side of the stairs gasping for air and looking like they would die in moments, but I guess long legs help a bit there. 

 You can see some of the steps.  On the way down, some lady looked at me and said "oh you're pregnant! You are going to have a healthy baby."  I think pregnancy has made me overly sensitive. I looked over at Kevin and asked him what she meant by that?  If she is saying I am fat, I will push her off this mountain.  I chose to believe it was because I was doing something active, but she still better hope we never see eachother in a dark alley.  

 While we were there, it was HOT and DRY.  We saw a couple fires, and so the smells of sulphur and smoke encircled us all day. They seemed to keep the flames under control for the most part, and luckily it didn't stop us from seeing what we wanted to see. 

 Kevin's dreams came true.  He got to see his buffallo.  We actuall saw a mini heard of them, but this was his favorite.  He is expelling some liquid waste, and of course we had to go and interrupt him for a picture.  And I know you are concerned, but don't worry, Kevin got his bison burger later too.  He was a happy boy. 

 I thought the colors of the springs were incredible.  They say the different colors are caused by bacteria.  I don't usually like bacteria, but they do make for pretty pictures, bad smells, but lovely to look at. 

 Another picture of one of the springs.  They were so clear too. 

 As we pulled up, we got our first spotting of an active geyser.  I didn't keep my cool very well and this pregnant woman rushed off to make sure she got to see it spray.  I know most of them only go off at random, and I was not about to miss it.  Kevin still makes fun of me for my nimbleness.  I guess I deserve it for all the rock-loving teasing I give him. 

 Just a bunch of shots of the springs and the crazy bacteria-algae surrounding themt. 

 This is the largest geyser. they said when it is active it shoots out 4000 gal/second. 

 Grand Prismatic Spring

 What would a trip to Yellowstone be without seeing Old Faithful. Apparently the geyser gets its name from being so accurate when it will go off, You know within about a 20 min window of when Ol' Faithful will blow.  And she did.  

The fetus and me. 

 Kevin wanted to make me a widow.  He walked out on the ledge over the canyon and wanted a bunch of pictures.  Apparently he doesnt want to meet his spawn . Good thing he lived. I kinda like him. 

 These were some groovy little mud geysers.  They just bubbled.  It was pretty interesting. 

I have about a thousand pictures like this.  Kevin LOVED the wavy ridges outside the springs.